


i don't fall in love (i just fake it)

by problematiclesbian



Series: self indulgent rejanis fics [4]
Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Post-Canon, imagine if i could write something even halfway interesting or original, let's be real... you need to suspend disbelief to enjoy any fake dating au so.... do that, now keep imagining cause this aint it sis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-14 23:31:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19283425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/problematiclesbian/pseuds/problematiclesbian
Summary: “So you’re telling me: you lied to your boss and said you have a girlfriend when you don’t, because you need to impress them at some fancy retreat for a promotion and they’re sexist and will think you’re pathetic if you’re single, and somehow you thought the best plan was to fly halfway across the world, track down your ex girlfriend, whom you haven’t spoken to in five years, and ask her to pretend to be your girlfriend for two weeks?”Regina nods succinctly. “Yes, exactly. So you’ll do it?”





	i don't fall in love (i just fake it)

**Author's Note:**

> what's that? you want fluff? you want love?? you want well written and in depth characters in a number of funny original and heart warming scenes??!?  
> well, tough shit. you get this instead.  
> the italic scenes are flashbacks

**Janis**

 

Janis gets home just before the storm.

She tosses her jacket on the hook and her keys in the bowl as the rain starts to pound against her window.

“Hey, Cat.” She calls to her cat, who gives her an affronted look from the window and then returns to licking her paws. Janis makes her way to the bedroom, shedding layers as she goes, changing out of her work clothes.

“It was a good day today.” She tells the uninterested cat as she warms up leftovers in the microwave. “I think they’re going to make an offer next week.” She pours some dry food into Cat’s bowl and settles at the table, eating while she watches the storm strengthen outside. Sometimes she regrets her decision to live alone, but the quiet is nice, especially after a long day. She’s been in San Francisco for almost five years now, and Janis is proud of the life she has made for herself. It’s hard being so far from Damian, of course, but they make do with almost nightly phone calls and lots of weekend visits.

She’s the assistant to the owner of a decently sized art gallery just outside of the Castro District. Her boss, Veronica, was the friend of one of Janis’s roommates from college, and Janis was lucky that Veronica had been looking for an assistant when Janis abruptly moved to San Francisco and came knocking on her door.

She’s not lonely, not really. Janis has never been one for big parties or large groups of friends, anyway. She visits Damian all the time, and sees Cady a few times a year, and has a handful of acquaintances scattered around San Francisco that she goes to art galleries and occasional dinners with.

When Janis is finished, she puts her bowl in the sink with a clatter and heads for couch, turning the TV on to HGTV, muted. She props her feet up on the coffee table just as the doorbell rings.

“Coming!” She sighs, dropping her phone onto the table and padding her way to the door.

“If you’re here to ask how it went with Rosenbaum,” Janis calls out, assuming it’s Veronica as she swings open the door, “You know I’ll have to-”

It’s not her boss.

Like some sort of fucked up hallucination, a mirage in the desert, on the other side of the door is Regina George.

Her hair is shorter, shorter than the last time Janis had seen her on facebook, and darker than the usual blonde. That’s the first thing Janis notices.

She’s not really sure how long they stand there, silent and staring, Regina soaked to the bone and dripping rainwater onto Janis’s doormat. A part of Janis is afraid to blink because she thinks Regina might disappear, like she does in her nightmares.

Finally, Regina brings up one hand in a wave. “Hi, Janis.”

Janis slams the door shut.  

“What the fuck?” She mouths to the door. “What the fuck? What the hell and fuck?” She gives herself 15 seconds to freak out. Then she smoothes her hair down with one hand, plasters a halfway believable smile on her face, and opens the door again.

“Regina.”

Regina has a tiny smirk on her face. “Janis.”

It’s silent for a moment.

Regina politely clears her throat.

Janis blinks back into consciousness. “Oh, right. Would you like to come in?”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to intrude…”

Janis rolls her eyes and steps back, leaving the door open, and heads to her closet to get a towel, grabbing blindly for the first one she touches. A part of her is afraid if she takes her eyes off of Regina for too long, she’ll disappear. Regina stands in the middle of the living room, gazing around the room like it’s a particularly fascinating museum.

“Here.” She throws the towel at Regina, hitting her in the face.

“Thank you.” Regina grits out. “It wasn’t supposed to rain.”

“Mhm.”

They stand there, silent except for the slow drip of water from Regina’s clothes onto the rug.

“What’re you-”

“So I-”

They both start at the same time.

“Go ahead.” Janis says.

Regina looks down at her own outfit in exasperation. “Could I borrow something dry to wear?”

Janis thinks it’s very Regina George, to show up at her apartment and demand clothes. “Sure.” She trudges back into her room, rummaging around to find a pair of sweatpants and an old NYU sweatshirt. Her hands are trembling. How many times had she opened the door hoping to find Regina on the other side? How many of her nightmare had started just like this?

Janis goes back to the living room when she’s gotten her breathing under control and hands them to Regina without a word, pointing to the bathroom.

“Thanks.” Regina murmurs, and that’s twice already that Regina has thanked her, so Janis is pretty sure this is a parallel universe or something.

She slouches down on the couch and pretends to scroll through her phone while Regina changes. Janis looks up when Regina comes out of the bathroom and her chest aches at the sight of Regina in her clothes.

Regina, barefaced and toweling off her hair, curls up on the other side of the couch, facing Janis.

“So.”

“So…?” Janis is waiting for an explanation, for someone to say something, because she can’t bear to sit here and look at Regina like she didn’t shatter her heart five years ago. Just sitting here near her is dangerous, because Janis is soaking in her presence, trying to absorb the feeling of being in Regina George’s orbit before she disappears again. It feels like taking a drink after five years of sobriety, the inexplicable high of Regina George.

“Right.” Regina sighs, as if Janis is the one inconveniencing _her_. “You’re probably wondering why I’m here.”

“Uh, yeah?”

Regina takes a deep breath, setting her shoulders like she’s about to face a jury. “As you may know, I’m up for a very big promotion at my company.”

“Why would I know that?”

Regina ignores the interruption. “All the higher ups have been invited to this big two week thing in the Canary Islands. Ostensibly it’s a networking event but,” Regina makes some hand gestures that convey how she feels about it, “it’s more like two weeks of drinking and smoozing.”

“And that brings you to San Francisco because….?”

Regina makes a face at her. “I’m getting there. So my boss tells me this is my chance to impress the CEO and his cronies and all that. Which like, okay, I’m great at those kind of things, so I’m not worried. And then she says, it’s stupid, and like, soo sexist,” an eye roll, “But that I should bring my boyfriend, because they like to see that the associates have a balanced life and aren’t those kind of people who make work their whole life.”

“But you _are_ that kind of person.” Janis points out.

“Thank you, Janis.” Regina’s tone is sharp. “But I couldn’t tell her that, obviously. So I thought, okay, I’ll just explain I’m a lesbian, problem solved.”

“Wow, homophobia too? This sounds like a great place to work.”

“Yeah, I thought that would be the end of it. But she says, great, bring your girlfriend! They’ll love the diversity, or some shit.”

Janis feels a dawning sense of horror overcome her as the pieces click into place.  

“Regina.”

“And like, what could I say? I couldn’t tell her I don’t have a girlfriend!”

“Regina.”

“I can’t be the only single person at this retreat. So I just said-”

“REGINA.”

Regina pauses in her rant. “Yes?”

Janis resists the urge to hide her head in her hands. “Why. Are. You. Here.”

She doesn’t know why she’s asking when she already knows the answer.

For the first time, a trace of nervousness crosses Regina’s face.

“Because I need you to be my fake girlfriend.”

Janis lets the full ridiculousness of the situation wash over her.

“So you’re telling me: you lied to your boss and said you have a girlfriend when you don’t, because you need to impress them at some fancy retreat for a promotion and they’re sexist and will think you’re pathetic if you’re single, and somehow you thought the best plan was to fly halfway across the world, track down your ex girlfriend, whom you haven’t spoken to in five years, and ask her to pretend to be your girlfriend for two weeks?”

Regina nods succinctly. “Yes, exactly. So you’ll do it?”

Janis puts her face in her hands. “Are you out of your fucking mind?!”

“Well there’s no need to be crude, Janis.”

“Gahhh!” Janis stands up to pace around her living room, which isn’t very effective because she lives in the most expensive city in the US so her living room is like four steps wide. “How can you still be this annoying after all this time?!”

Regina huffs. “Look, this job is really important to me, okay? I don’t want to look bad. I would hire someone, but it wouldn’t be believable. I need someone who actually _knows_ me.”

Janis scoffs. “And you thought I would be the best choice?!”

“Trust me,” Regina snarls back, “I wouldn’t be here if I had  any  other options.”

Janis flinches at that and Regina sees. Her shoulders slump.

“I’m sorry.” She exhales. “I’m just….”

“Stressed.” Janis finishes for her, turning towards the kitchen. “I got it.”

She needs a drink.

Janis pulls a bottle of beer out of the fridge and then grabs a wine glass from the cabinet and pours the last of a bottle of wine into it for Regina, who hesitantly follows her into the kitchen.

Janis stares down blankly at the bottle. Of course Regina’s here because she needs a favor. That’s it. That’s all Janis is to her. A convenient option.

“So what’s in it for me?”

Regina turns away from where she was examining the photos on the fridge. “Excuse me?”

Janis drops into a kitchen chair, picking at the label on the bottle, and forces a grin. “What’s in it for me? Why should I?”

Regina blinks like she didn’t consider this. “Well, what do you want?”

Janis shrugs. “I mean, you must assume I hate you now. We haven’t spoken in five years. You can’t possibly think I’d agree to do this out of the kindness of my heart. So.. what are you offering?”

Regina crosses her arms in front of her and frowns. “I didn’t think… You hate me?”

Janis laughs and puts the bottle down. “Oh my god. I can’t believe you.” She shakes her head and studies the blonde who looks so out of place in her kitchen, the woman who used to be her home. Five years and yet the emotions come back so quickly. She feels the anger bubble up in her throat. “You know, you didn’t even ask if I have a girlfriend. Didn’t even consider that, huh?”

Now it’s Regina’s turn to flinch. “... Do you?”

“I don’t. But is it really so hard to believe that I would?”

“No, I…” Regina at least has the good sense to be chagrined. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have come.”

She turns to leave and Janis’s voice stops her.

“How desperate are you for this? What would you do? Anything?”

“Anything.” Regina confirms.

“How about this? I play your fake girlfriend for two weeks. In exchange, you give me $10,000.”

Regina doesn’t even blink at that number. “As a down payment for your gallery?”

“...Yes.” Janis is surprised Regina even remembers that her dream is to open her own gallery. “And one other thing.” Janis pauses just to be dramatic. “You tell me the real reason you broke up with me five years ago.”

Regina is twenty eight and much better at hiding her emotions these days. Still, on her face there’s a flash of something Janis can’t name. “No.” She shakes her head. “That’s ridiculous. I’ll give you the money, but not that. There’s nothing to tell.”

“Then I won’t do it. Get out of my apartment.”

“Janis.” Regina’s face scrunched with stress again. “Don’t be like this.”

Janis shrugs and takes another sip. “Your call.”

Regina grits her teeth together in the way Janis knows she does when she’s not saying what she really wants to say. “...Fine. But only after the two weeks.”

Janis can accept that. She presses the cool glass of the bottle to her temple and closes her eyes. “Okay.” She hears herself say, even as every instinct in her body tells her not to. “Send me the details and I’ll think about it.”

Regina smiles her victorious smile that Janis _hates_. She goes to her purse and pulls out a card.

“I assume you don’t have my number anymore, so here. I’m staying at the Ritz until Sunday, call anytime.” She says, like this is a regular business transaction.

Then she’s gone as suddenly as she arrived, leaving nothing but a whiff of her perfume in her wake.

Janis waits a whole twenty minutes before she cries.

* * *

 

_“I’m home!” Janis calls, shrugging out of her coat and tossing it onto the stand by the door. “Listen, I know it’s my turn to cook, but I was thinking-”_

_She freezes at the sight waiting for her in the main room. The apartment is empty. Well, half empty. On the couch sits Regina, her legs crossed at the knee and ankle like she’s waiting at a very formal dinner party. Next to her are her suitcases._

_Janis frowns, taking in the scene. “...Regina? What’s going on?”_

_Regina George has never been one to sugarcoat things._

_“I’m leaving.” She says, the picture of calm._

_“You’re leaving.” Janis repeats dumbly. “Where? Why?”_

_“I accepted a position in Paris. My flight leaves at 8.”_

_Janis looks again at the bags, then back at her girlfriend. “A position? You’re quitting your job?! How long will you be gone?”_

_“I don’t know yet. A year, at least. Maybe more.”_

_Janis reels backwards at her words, the questions flying from her mouth as they crowd her mind. “WHAT? When did you decide this? What about your life here, Regina? What about us?!”_

_Regina gives her a look full of pity. “I’m_ _leaving_ _, Janis.” She says again, as if it’s obvious. “I’m leaving you.”_

_There’s a chilly silence in the room while the words settle._

_“You’re… breaking up with me.” It’s not a question._

_Regina nods. “Let’s be real, we were kidding ourselves from the start. This,” she gestures between the two of them, “was never going to work out.”_

_“What.. what are you talking about?!” Janis’s voice rises in anger. “Regina, what the hell is going on?! This isn’t funny!”_

_“I’m not joking.” It’s true, Janis would have recognized the sparkle of mirth in her girlfriend’s eyes when she’s playing a prank. Now, Regina’s eyes have never looked colder. “I’m done. There’s nothing left for me here.”_

_“So what the fuck was all this then?!” Janis spreads her arms out wide to indicate their apartment, their life together. “Just some… some fling or something, to pass the time?! You can’t just leave!”_

_Regina shrugs. “Call it what you want. I already transferred the money to your account to pay for my half of the lease for the next six months, if that’s what you’re worried about.”_

_“Holy shit.” Janis shakes her head in disbelief. “You’re serious. You’re really doing this to me. Again.”_

_Regina rolls her eyes with contempt and it’s so similar to the head bitch Regina from high school that Janis feels bile rise in her throat. “Don’t be dramatic. We both knew what this was. It’s over, Janis.”_

_Janis studies her with hard eyes. “This isn’t you, Regina. This isn’t you anymore. What’s going on? Tell me and I’ll help.”_

_Regina laughs, cold and haughty. “You always did think you could save me, didn’t you?” She rises from the couch, looping her purse on one arm. “Wake up, sweetheart.” The term of endearment stings. “It was never going to work. Trust me, you’ll thank me for this someday.”_

_“Bullshit. Bull fucking shit. I don’t know what happened, but I know you, Regina, and this isn’t you.”_

_“Yes, it is Janis! Open your eyes! I’m Regina fucking George, this is what I do. I’m sorry if you thought this was different, but it isn’t. I’m leaving, we’re done. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.” Regina pats Janis on the arm condescendingly as she passes by her, heading for the door._

_Janis just stares, wide eyed and lost, as Regina opens the door. When she replays this scene in her head, later, she thinks of all the things she could have said, all the ways she could have stopped this. But in the moment she can’t find the words, can’t comprehend what is happening right in front of her. “Regina… don’t do this. Please.”_

_Her back still towards Janis, Regina hesitates for the briefest of seconds. Then her posture straightens, and she turns back around with the impenetrable mask of indifference on her face that Janis hasn’t seen for years. “Goodbye, Janis.” She says, her voice flat, and then she walks out of the apartment, leaving Janis behind._

* * *

 

Janis shows up at the Ritz Carlton Presidential Suite on Friday evening without calling ahead.

Regina pulls open the door still on the phone, but she doesn’t act surprised to see Janis, just smiles a little smugly, like she knew Janis would come. She ushers Janis in with a wave of her hand.

“...I don’t care what Tim has to say about it.” Regina is still speaking on the phone as she shuts the door. “We need that paperwork. Do whatever you need to do.” She hangs up, shaking out her hair. She’s in full business attire, including 4 inch heels, even though she’s in her own hotel room.

“Sorry about that.” She says breezily to Janis, leading her out to the balcony. “Can I get you something to drink?”

Janis, trying not to smile at the general theatrics of Regina George, just shakes her head.

“Okay, great.” Regina sits down at the table and folds her hands together as if she’s about to begin a meeting. “I’m glad you came.”

Janis, feeling out of place in her jeans and old faded jacket, awkwardly sits down in the chair across from the blonde. “Ahuh. Well… you did offer to pay me.”

Regina hesitates for only a second before she nods. “Right. Well, I took the liberty of drawing up a contract. It’s nothing huge, just your basic conditions and terms of agreement.” She pulls out a large stack of papers and spread them out on the table.  

Regina takes Janis’s disbelieving silence as a sign to keep going.

“It’s fairly straightforward. You can’t tell anyone that we aren’t actually dating. If you back out before the two weeks are up, you forfeit the money and the…” Regina grimaces, “rest of our agreement. If you do want to leave before the two weeks are up, I will pay for the flight back. I don’t want you to be like, trapped there.”

Janis can think of a lot of things worse than being trapped with Regina on a tropical island, but she keeps that thought to herself.

“You’ll need to learn the names of my coworkers and bosses. I told them you’re an artist, so you won’t have to lie about any of that...”

“You told them about me?” Janis interrupts in surprise.

“Of course.” Regina uses a pen to cross something out on one of the pages. “They’re always bragging about their hot women. It was nice to be able to contribute.”

Janis doesn’t know how she feels about that, so she ignores it. “Okay. I have some conditions of my own. We don’t tell anyone besides your work people.”

Regina nods immediately. “Fine.”

“I mean it. Like not even Karen or Gretchen.”

“Not a problem.” Regina’s expression barely changes, but Janis catches the flash of guilt.

“Do you not talk to them anymore?”

Regina shakes her head.

“Huh.” Janis files that away to address later. “Okay. Your company is paying for everything, I assume.”

Regina nods again, but looks annoyed. “You know, a lot of people would kill to be able to go on this kind of vacation.”

“Yeah, but not many people would risk dating you.” Janis says with a snort, which makes Regina glare.

“I’m just saying, you could stop acting like you’re being dragged to the electric chair.”

“Oh, I’m sorry I’m not _thrilled_ to be two weeks trapped in a hotel room with my ex who just walked out on me with no explanation!” Janis snarls, gripping the edges of her chair.

Regina’s composure breaks. “Oh my god, Janis, it was five years ago!”

“That’s what you said senior year about your thirteenth birthday party.” Janis spits back, and Regina recoils.

“I thought we were past that.” Regina’s voice is low.

“And _I thought_ maybe you’d changed.”

“Janis-”

Janis curls her nails into her fists and inhales deeply. “No. Forget it. Let’s just get on with it. We’ll set rules. For physical contact. And you don’t call me any pet names.”

“Why-”

Janis cuts her off with a look. “It’s not really any of your business, is it? Just don’t.”

Regina, looking troubled, nods. “Okay. There’s several dinners and a few mandatory group activities. The rest of the time, as long as we’re seen together a lot, you can decide what we do.”

“You don’t care? It’s your vacation.”

Regina shrugs. “I’ve been on enough of these things. I just go and try to get through them, these days.”

Janis doesn’t show it, but she’s surprised. The Regina she knew would have jumped at the chance to spend two weeks partying and playing socialite. “It’s been five years, you know. We don’t really know each other anymore.” She tries to say this revelation in a matter of fact way, as if it doesn’t bother her.

Regina purses her lips. “I know. Here.” She reaches for another folder in her bag and passes it to Janis.

Janis opens it, leafing through the papers inside. Travel schedules, weekly itineraries, receipts…

“What the hell is this?”

Regina taps her pen against the top of the folder. “I had my assistant put together a record of what I’ve done the last five years. Events, locations, that sort of thing.”

Janis starts to rethink her decision to not drink before she came. “So, what? I’m supposed to memorize this stuff and that will be enough?” Her tone portrays her doubt at this plan.

Regina looks out off the balcony. “That’s what you need to know. The rest… well, we dated before. I think we can improvise.”

The forced nonchalance of Regina’s tone makes Janis nauseous. “We can’t go five minutes without arguing. I don’t know how convincing we can be.”

“They’re a bunch of misogynistic assholes. They won’t be watching too hard, especially after a couple of drinks.”

Janis watches Regina examine her nails. Every movement and word is so familiar, yet foreign. Like looking at old photographs, faded and distorted. Janis feels her lungs tighten and she bites her lip.

Regina looks towards Janis and frowns. “Are you okay?” She reaches across the table as if to take Janis’s hand and Janis jumps back, her chair screeching across the tile as she pushes away and out of Regina’s reach.

Regina freezes, staring at Janis in surprise.

Janis swallows. “Sorry.” She mutters. “Sorry. Don’t worry, I’ll be better when we’re in front of your coworkers, or whatever.”

“Janis…” Regina looks like she wants to move closer, but stops herself. “You don’t have to do this.” She pauses, and Janis is surprised to see an actual apologetic look on her face. “Listen, I know I’ve been sort of a…”

“Bitch?” Janis offers.

Regina mock glares. “I was going to say taskmaster, but sure, a bitch about this whole thing. But I don’t want to force you to do anything, you must know that.”

Janis gives Regina a long look. Then she sighs, relaxing from her tense position. “You never apologized, you know.”

“What?”

“You never apologized for leaving.” Janis sits back down, avoiding eye contact so that she can keep her voice from shaking.

Regina’s frown deepens. “You said last week that I should assume you hate me. Do you?”

Janis shifts in her chair. “Shouldn’t I? You walked out on us. You never called, texted, nothing. Don’t you know how much that hurt?”

“I didn’t… I didn’t think it would take long.” Regina murmurs, staring down at the table like she’s replaying the events in her mind. “For you to get over me.”

“Get over you?!” Janis bites her lip to keep from scoffing. “I was in love with you. One day you were there and the next, you’d disappeared. Tell me, how was I supposed to just ‘get over that’?”  

For the first time since the blonde turned up at her doorstep, Janis watches as Regina drops all her masks and facades and pretenses. She stares at Janis with undisguised, unhidden shock.

“You were…” Regina’s voice comes out as almost a whisper, “in love with me?”

Janis considers bashing her head into a wall. “Of course I was, you idiot. Oh my god. This was such a mistake.”

“No, Janis, wait-“ Regina jumps up as Janis makes for the door. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry for then and I’m sorry for now but I really want yo- I really want this job. I swear, it’s just these two weeks and then you’ll never have to see me again. Please.”

Janis sighs, not because of Regina, but because she already knows what her answer is going to be. “You’ll stay out of my life?”

Regina inhales sharply. “If that’s what you want.”

“Fine.” Janis snatches the files off the table. “Fine. I’ll do it. I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend for two weeks.”

“Thank you.” Regina replies from behind her, subdued.

“Whatever.” Janis falls lazily onto the couch in Regina’s suite, forcing her voice to be casual. “So, did your bosses spring for first class?”

* * *

 

It’s _such_ a bad idea. Janis knows this. She does.

And yet, the opportunity to reconnect with Regina, the chance to hear her voice, to see her again… it’s what Janis has wanted since the day she left. In some ways, it’s just like high school. She wants to hate Regina for what she did, but she just can’t. There’s too much history between them.

They start talking again. Just texts, and the occasional phone call. It’s rocky at first, both women treading lightly to avoid upsetting the other.

It feels both amazing and horrible.

Amazing because Janis hadn’t realized how much she missed talking to Regina. But now that she is, it’s hard to remember how she survived without it. There’s always been something about their friendship, the way Regina challenges Janis like no one else ever does. The way she makes Janis _feel_ more than anyone else ever has.

Horrible because it’s impossible for Janis to think of the last five years without her. Maybe she should’ve gone after Regina the day she left. Horrible because of a part of her wants to despise Regina for breaking her heart like that, but another part of her wants desperately to believe this is Regina’s attempt at reconciliation. Because every day Janis has to remind herself that this is fake, that Regina is only talking to her because she needs this for her job, but then Regina will compliment her offhand, or remember something Janis told her years ago, and Janis starts to remember all the reasons she fell in love with Regina George.   

But she certainly isn’t going to tell Damian any of that. She’s just going to tell him she’s going on a vacation, and then avoid explanation until she gets back and it’s too late for him to stop her. Unfortunately, she can only dodge his calls for so long before he gets suspicious.

“So I was talking to Cady this morning…” Damian says, the change in his tone obvious, even though the phone.

Janis feels a trickle of panic down her spine. “Uh huh.”

“And she mentions, oh, Aaron told me Regina is going on a big company retreat for two weeks. Imagine our surprise when we realize your 'totally random unplanned spontaneous' vacation happens to align with hers.”

“Crazy coincidence.” Janis is going to kill Regina, she really is. “What’s your point?”

“Oh come on, Janis. You’re really going to keep this up?”

“So Regina and I are going on vacation at the same time. Why does that have to mean something?”

“AHA!” Damian shouts through the phone. “You haven’t said Regina George’s name out loud in five years. I knew something was going on. Now, spill.”

Goddammit. Janis glances around to make sure she’s alone, even though she’s in her own apartment.

“Damian, I really can’t talk about this right now, okay?”

“Janis Sarkisian, _please_ just tell me you’re NOT going on a secret vacation with the girl who broke your heart. Twice, I might add.”

“Fine, I’m not going on a secret vacation with the girl who broke my heart. Once. When we were kids doesn’t count.”

“These LIES!” Janis cringes as Damian’s voice hits her ears. “Fifteen years of friendship and you’re going to lie to me?!

Janis smiles in spite of herself. “You told me to, you drama queen.”

Damian just huffs, so Janis knows she needs to explain. “Look, it’s… complicated. Basically I’m pretending to be Regina’s girlfriend while she’s at some corporate retreat.”

Damian lets his judging silence speak for him.

Janis nods. “Yes, I know it sounds bad, but it’s going to be fine. Trust me. I know what I’m doing.”

More silence.

“No, I wouldn’t have said yes if I thought I couldn’t handle it. It’s really going to be fine. It’s only two weeks, anyway.”

“.......”

“Damian, what do you want me to say?! I already agreed! It’s too late to back out!!” Janis falls onto the couch.

Damian makes a noise of disagreement. “Janis Sarkisian, where’s the _anger_?! Where’s the vengeful girl I knew in high school? Regina broke your heart, you don’t owe her anything! Why don’t you say fuck you to Regina George and never speak to her again?!?”

“I went to therapy and learned hating someone forever doesn’t help anyone!” Janis snaps. “I know I don’t owe her! I know I don’t _have_ to do this. But I want to.”

Damian hums. “Are you at least getting something good in return?”

Janis hesitates.

“Oh god...” Damian knows her silences too well. “Janis… What are you getting in return?”

“Ten thousand dollars.”

Damian gasps. “Holy shit. For your gallery?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay… that seems fair. That’s probably spare change for a George, anyway. So why do you sound so guilty?”

Janis closes her eyes and exhales slowly. “...She also promised to tell me why she really broke up with me.”

There’s a loud clattering that Janis recognizes as Damian throwing his phone. She waits until he recovers it.

“I love you, Janis, but this I cannot stand for. You can’t possibly think fake dating the woman you’re in love with it-”

“I'm not in love with her!” Janis interrupts. “I’m.. I’m not in love with her. It’s been five fucking years, Damian. I just need the closure.” She takes a deep breath. “I have to know. I have to know, okay? Then I can really move on.”

“Babe, we know why she broke up with you! Because she’s a heartless bitch!!”

“She’s not-” Janis sighs. “Don’t be mean.”

“Oh, so we’re back to defending her? Great, that’s just great. Janis, you can’t be serious!! Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t catch the next plane out of JFK and come over there to talk some sense into you!”

Janis glances down at her watch. “Because I’m going to meet Regina at the airport in twenty minutes?”

Damian hangs up.

Janis leans back with another sigh and waits.

Her phone rings. She answers.  

“-of all the terrible ideas you’ve had, and trust me when I say you’ve had many terrible ideas, of all the horrible decisions you could make, this is the absolute worst one.”

“Damian… I am a grown adult. Don’t you think I can make my own decisions?”

“Sure, normally!” Janis can picture Damian throwing up his hands for emphasis. “But this is Regina George we’re talking about! You’ve never been rational when it comes to her.”

“It’s been five years. It’s going to be fine.”

“Janis.” Damian’s voice shifts into something a little harder, more serious. “You had to move out of New York because you couldn’t walk down the street without having a panic attack. You had nightmares for months, you’d wake up crying in the middle of the night, sobbing her name. It was so, so hard to watch you suffer like that. Please don’t do this. Not again.”

Janis sighs.

“It’s going to be fine, Damian. It’s just two weeks and then she’ll be out of our lives forever. It’s fine.”

“Okay. But if you’re really doing this cause of some fucked up reason, like you think this is going to win Regina back or whatever, I’m going to really enjoy saying I Told You So when this all blows up in your face.”

“...Fine.”

“Oh my GOD.” Damian gasps like he’s having a heart attack. “Janis. Janis Sarkisian. Is that what you’re doing? Are you doing this because you think she’s still in love with you and you can get her back?!” His voice gets higher with every word.

“I’m hanging up now!” Janis informs her best friend, and then she does.

* * *

 

_“Janis?” Damian calls out as he opens the apartment door using his spare key._

_There’s no answer._

_“Janis?” Damian frowns at the dark, silent apartment. “Sarkisian, are you here?”_ _  
_ _He wanders through the living room, his frown deepening. “Did you get robbed? Where the hell-” Damian cuts himself off when he makes it to the bedroom, where Janis is kneeling in a puddle and staring blankly down. Her palms are bleeding and she’s surrounded by broken glass shards._

_“Holy shit, Janis-” Damian runs to the bathroom to get a towel and comes back to help Janis out of the mess and sit her on the bed, pressing the towel to her hands to stop the bleeding, trying to remove the glass. “What the hell happened? Where’s Regina?”_

_Janis flinches at the name. “I dropped the bottle.” She says distantly, gazing at the puddle of liquor on the floor. “It broke.”_

_“I mean, what’s wrong??” Damian tries not to let the fear show in his voice. He’s never seen Janis like this. “Why are you crying?”_

_Janis’s eyes are red rimmed and swollen from crying, but at Damian’s questions, tears begin to roll down her cheeks again. Her whole body is trembling. She shakes her head mutely._

_“Oh honey…” Damian lets Janis lean again his chest, soaking his shirt with tears. He wraps one arm around his best friend and with the other, takes out his phone to text Regina and ask what the fuck is going on._

_A reply comes through immediately:_

_**Error 23: SMS Not Delivered.** This number is no longer in service. _

_That’s when Damian starts to realize things aren’t going to be okay._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm trying something new for this fic. so this chapter was sort of from Janis's point of view, the next will be from Regina's, etc. for the drama, you know.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from At Least I’m Not as Sad (As I Used to Be) by Fun.  
> i'm trying to at least finish or post the nine (no exgeration) rejanis fics i have in my google drive so like.... see you soon


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